A Detective’s Story (THE DETECTIVE) - fantasy fiction |non-explicit

Goddess Capri
2 days ago
10 min read

Originally written for an A&P I Tissue Project. For an additional three points on our next test, students were offered the option to create an art project responding to the following prompt: determine which tissues make a bruise, what causes hyperpigmentation, and whether Mederma Gel could help reduce scarring. Incorporate the Stephen Leacock quote. We were given multiple art forms to choose from. I chose to write a comic book-style story. Here is that story, which was accompanied by original drawings. I earned 20 points.

What’s this? Someone left a note under my door.

"Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour." -Stephen Leacock.

That’s just like Steve, leaving a cryptic note only he could understand. Though he did have a way with words, but it’s not like anyone in this town would notice. This town is only good for eating, and its favorite dish???... People and Dreams.

It's gritty and dirty. That’s what I love about it. But if I don’t get a new case soon, I’ll be next on the plate.

That’s when she walked in. She seemed to be nothing but legs, then I realized it was because she was hiding her face. It didn’t take me long to figure out why. The dame speaks…

“Are you A.P.? Mr. A.P. Spade?” she mumbled.

I could barely hear her speaking because she was turned away from me.

“The one and only,” I responded.

“I need your help,” she continued. “I need to hire you to find something for me.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’m known for finding things from time to time. What is it?”

“Well, you see, Mr. Spade,” she started. “I can be a little clumsy sometimes. I walk into doors, fall off chairs, one time I smashed my finger into a car window…”

I wish this dame would get to the point. She went on for a few more seconds before I felt compelled to interject.

“Well, little lady, you found me, but you’re about to lose me, kid. What can I help you with, exactly?”

She stepped back into the light and lifted her head. That’s when I saw why she was hiding her beautiful face. My suspicions were right. She was hiding a fresh scar right below her eye.

“What happened?” I asked.

She explained how she’d been scratched on her face by a tissue last night at the gym. She wanted me track down which tissue created the scratch on her face. She also wanted me to find what, if anything, she could use so it wouldn’t leave a permanent scar; hyperpigmentation was her biggest concern. She gave me the name Mederma Gel. Apparently, he’d been hounding her ever since he saw the scratch on her face at the gym.

“How do you know a tissue created it?” I asked.

She said she gave chase until it ran into a gang of others like it, all wearing the same hoods.

That’s a tissue, alright, I thought. You can always count on them hanging around others just like themselves[1].

I find out that Mederma is a pharmacist with an office on the east side. I call to set up a meeting for 4p. I plan to get out that way later, but first, I was going to check on my old stoolie, Connective Tissue.

I knew Connective Tissue lived across the bridge. So I hopped in my car and headed that way.

I knock on CT’s apartment door. To my surprise, CT was home.

“May I come in?” I asked when CT opened the door.

“What’s this about, Spade?”

“A dame, what else?”

“You know, something’s never changed.”

After our pleasant exchange, CT finally let’s me in.

“Still hanging out with the old gang?”

“We prefer the term fluidternity.”

“Where were you last night? Say around… 7 o’clock.”

“I was at my weekly Connect the Dots meeting and 10, no scratch that nine others can alibi me. Bloody Bob[2] was home, sick with a cold.”

“Names?”

“Mr. DR and his fraternal twin brother, Mr. DRI, Loose Legs A, Loose Legs AD, and Loose Legs R, Bones, Hyaline CLG, Fibro CLG, and Elastic CLG[3].”

“You wouldn’t be lying to me now, would you there, CT?”

“No need. Just ask them, they’ll tell you.”

“So you wouldn’t have caused a scar on a little dame’s face.”

“Wouldn’t have,” he scoffed. “Try couldn’t have.”

“Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“I don’t deal in skin, I’m too rich for its lack of blood, if you catch my drift.”

For some reason, I did… catch CT’s drift, I mean.

“Tell me why I should believe you,” I asked.

“Because, you know, I have inside connects, not to mention the times I’ve provided you with support and protection. Or did you forget? Why would I lie to someone I’m all so willing to help out?[4]”

I couldn’t argue with CT there. The last time my car needed a jump, CT just so happened to be coming up that road. CT not only gave me a lift but paid for my fuel, too.

But all that’s water under the bridge now. I had a case to solve.

“Then who should I be making for this?”

CT gave me a tip to check out the new strip mall up the street. There I could find Muscle Tissue, Nervous Tissue, and Membranes.

I stopped into the Muscle Tissue moving company first.

“Are you Muscle Tissue?” I asked the first bloke I saw.

“Who’s asking?”

“A.P. Spade. Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“About what?”

“Your whereabouts last night, approximately around 7p.”

“I was here all night, getting ready for another move.[5]”

“Anybody else that can corroborate that story?”

“No story slick, and yes, just ask my staff – Skelety, Cardiac, and Smooth,” he gestured behind him.

Though they couldn’t seem to keep still, I was able to speak to all three… no leads.

I moseyed over to the remote control store owned by Nervous Tissue.

When I walked in, it was like nothing I’d seen before. Remote controls of all types were everywhere. The store was divided into two sides: Neurons and Supporting. The two sides were like night and day. The Neurons side had large remotes neatly placed in show boxes, while the Supporting side had remotes everywhere, what a mess[6].

I walked up to the counter and rang the bell. Out of nowhere, faster than I could blink, Nervous appeared.

“How did… You were… I just saw you way in the back…” I stammered.

“Yes, can I help you, Sir?” Nervous sputtered.

“I surely hope so,” I answered, shaking off my disbelief.

I explained to Nervous about the case and that I was trying to track down the suspect who could have caused the scar on my client.

“Last night you said?” Nervous questioned.

“Yes, around 7.”

“Couldn’t have been me.”

“Oh yeah, why is that?”

“I was held up in The Brain all night[7].”

The Brain is what we locals call the vintage movie theater. They host a lock-in every month.

Nervous showed me the movie ticket stubs with the hourly check-in stamps, and I was on my way.

Last stop. I went by the sheets and linen store owned by the Membrane Brothers – Cutaneous, Mucous, and Serous. I was hoping I would catch a break; she did say it was a gang after all.

After speaking with Mucous and Serous, it was obvious they couldn’t have caused it. As much as they have in common with them, they just weren’t quite tissue[8]. Cutaneous wasn’t there. I couldn’t wait around. I had to get to Epithelial Tissue’s house.

When I arrived at Epithelial Tissue’s home, I found ET out back fixing a hole in their brick wall.

“Did I come at a bad time?” I asked.

“Yes,” ET blurted back.

“Well, this won’t take long. I just have a few questions.”

“About?” ET asked.

“Where were you last night around 7p?”

“Where I always am at 7p. At the gym.”

“Really, well, this is a coincidence, except I don’t believe in coincidences.”

“And I don’t believe in the tooth fairy. What’s your point?”

“Did you so happen to see a girl there get attacked? She wants to face her assailant and press charges.”

ET stopped building to turn and look at me.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. What’s it to you?”

ET starts walking towards me, then…

BAM!

Something hits me from behind. Lights out, and I’m down for the count.

When I come to, I see ET has given me the slip. I rub a big knot on the back of my head. It feels like I ran into that brick wall he was building.

Well, it’s obvious what tissue caused it, but ET had some accomplices. I pick the lock to ET’s home to see what else I can find.

Everything was built so close together.

I spot a blood stain on the couch. Looks like Bloody Bob wasn’t sick after all.

I noticed ET named each of his bedrooms. I walk into the room with SQUAMOUS on the door. There are two flat bunk beds inside. The top bunk has simple written on it, and the bottom has stratified[9].

Next, I go into the room marked CUBOIDAL. Same deal, except these two bunk beds were shaped like cubes. Both marked simple and stratified[10].

The room marked COLUMNAR has the same thing, except the beds are in columns[11].

There is a room marked SPECIAL at the end of the hall. I go inside. It’s the same thing, two bunks, except these are marked Pseudostratified columnar and Transitional. Pseudostratified’s bunk was shaped like wine glasses. It’s the strangest thing about Transitional’s bunk, but I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you[12].

I walk out back to a car shed marked GLANDS. I open the door, and what a mess!! There are secretions of some kind of fluid everywhere. I don’t go inside, but I take a quick glance around. I see spaces for two cars. ET even has those marked: Exo and Endo. I wonder what that means.[13]

As I’m leaving, I see some traces of shedded skin in the drive. Looks like I found where Cutaneous has been hiding out.

I get back in my car and see the time is nearly 4. I headed over to the east side.

I meet with Mr. Gel. He confirms he saw ET at the gym and saw him leaving in a hurry. Mr. Gel says ET and Bloody Bob hopped in a car that Cutaneous was driving.

I then asked him what he was peddling.

He gave me the breakdown.

“Of course, Sir. I’m a treatment you can use once daily to reduce the appearance of scars[14].”

“How long would I have to use you?”

“You’ll start to see some noticeable change in eight weeks,[15]” he boasts.

“How much would that set say someone like me back?”

“Depends. If you’re ready to buy now, I can get you a 50-gram tube right for only 20 bucks.”

Even if I didn’t need it, I wouldn’t have the heart to tell him, no. Poor slob looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

I bought the tube and went on my way.

As I was leaving, I couldn’t shake this nagging feeling. From his bloodshot eyes to his twitchy demeanor. There was just something about the kid that rubbed me the wrong way.

I walked out of the building, and I was just about to light up a spud when I heard someone calling my name.

“Hey, Spade! Hey you! Are you A.P. Spade?”

I turn around to see what all the fuss was about, and I see a bud… I mean an actual bulb bud. Now I’ve seen it all.

“I heard you’ve been looking for me.”

“Looking for you?!?” I said, shocked. “I don’t even know you, bud.”

“Yeah, you been looking for me and didn’t even know it. My name is Allium, but you can call me Ali. And this here,” he continued, pointing to a leaf stalk standing beside him. “This is my homey Aloe Vera, A.V. for short. “

“Good for you. Can I help you with something?” I say, lighting up my loosie.

“Actually, I think you got that backwards.”

“Excuse me,” I cough out, choking on my inhale.

“Calm down, calm down. Just check this out. I know you been riding all over town trying to find out about how to help that little lady heal her scar. Which I know would’ve led you here to Big Derma. But Mr. Gel ain’t got nothing on us. Give her some of this.”

He holds out a jar of Onion Extract.

“Tell her to mix this with some of this.”

A.V. hands him some gel-like substance.

“Big Derma has been stealing this stuff off me and my peeps for years. Tell her to mix the extract with the gel and rub it on her face. It takes about 10 weeks before she’ll see a noticeable difference.[16] ”

“She doesn’t have 10 weeks. She needs something that’s going to work in six.”

“Nothing for nothing, but she’s gonna have to learn some patience. Not even Big Derma works that fast.”

He gives me the items and leaves. I walk back to my car. On the drive back to my office, I ponder what Ali said and realize the day’s topic on time has come full circle.

I meet back up with the dame. Giving her my report from the day. Epithelial Tissue is what caused the scratch and scar. He had some help from Bloody Bob and Cutaneous Membrane. As far as the gels… I gave her both with the facts and told her to choose. I couldn’t shake Mr. Gel’s shifty, bloodshot eyes, but that was my hang-up, not hers. Me? I’d choose the onion extract and aloe, but again, that’s just me.

She takes the items and leaves.

I stare at the note from the morning, and it finally hits me. All those tissues break down to make the inner workings of our bodies, just like days and hours make the inner workings of our lives. Good ole Stephen! He can be as kooky as a clock, but truer words have never been written.

I love the secrets of this dirty town.

References (APA 7th edition)

Marieb, E. N., & Hoehn, K. (2019). Human anatomy & physiology (11th ed.). Pearson Education, Inc.

Mederma. (n.d.). Scar care archives. https://www.mederma.com/mederma-advanced-scar-gel/

Jancin, B. (2019, January 18). Onion extract improved scars by 36%. MDedge Psychiatry. https://www.mdedge.com/obgyn/article/54870/aesthetic-dermatology/onion-extract-improved-scars-36

[1] Ref 1 – Page 117

[2] Ref 1 - Pages 126 - 137

[3] Ref 1 - Pages 126 - 137

[4] Ref 1 - Pages 126 - 137

[5] Ref 1 - Pages 138 - 142

[6] Ref 1 - Pages 138 - 142

[7] Ref 1 - Pages 138 - 142